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Putting Myself Out There

23 Feb

I’ve been meaning to post this all month πŸ˜› Now to actually do it!

As my focus this year is to finish things, I then have to decide what to do with things that have been finished. I think one of the barriers between me and finished projects was just that dilemma. I’m writing a novel, but what will I do with it when I’m finished? Oh well, if I don’t finish it I don’t actually have to make that decision.

But I’m trying for a change in perspective. Rather than making that decision a burden, I’m trying to look at it as an opportunity. Awesome, it’s finished, what can I do with it now? (with a tone of excitement and enthusiasm, rather than one of heaviness).

I FINISHED my short story “Evacuation”, which was a huge achievement in itself. Then I went through a stage of thinking there was no way that something I had written would be worth recognition let alone publication. Then I decided that I wasn’t going to lose anything by submitting it, and in submitting I would learn something about the submission process (as I’d never submitted a story before (having never totally finished one before)).

I never ever expected it to be accepted.

Not because it’s not a good story, because it is a good story, that is, it would be, if it was written by someone else. But I had written it, so it wouldn’t, couldn’t, be good enough. How could it be worth anything when I was the one that created it?

When I got the acceptance email last weekend I almost died. I scanned it at first, to distance myself from the rejection, but then it didn’t say what I expected it to. Then I read it properly. And re-read it. And perused it. I bounced around the house. I called Dale in and told him. I bounced some more, and when I was sure that it was real I yelled about it on Facebook.

It still doesn’t feel real, and I’m not sure it will until I’m holding a book in my hands that has my name in it.

I finished something, put it out there, and I learned a valuable lesson, “Fran can produce something worth having”.

Choosing to put myself out there is something I’m trying to do with everything I create. People kept saying to me, “you should sell that,” or “sell your designs”. Finally I created a logo.

My Logo :D The "creates" at the bottom will be changed depending on what it's for.

My Logo πŸ˜€ The “creates” at the bottom will be changed depending on what it’s for.

I made a few things. I created a Facebook page. I’ve sold two headbands and someone wants the shrug I’m currently knitting enough to pay!

 

I also have a cross stitch piece I designed hanging at Make Cafe (as part of their ‘Love’ themed hoop art challenge), though that is not for sale.

For my husband on Valentine's Day

For my husband on Valentine’s Day

I’m a business!

I’m going to get things onto Felt at some point. I’ve listed things on TradeMe but had no luck. I’m hoping to sell some notebooks at a market next weekend. I’ve also been asked to run some crochet workshops.

People are praising my work, my ideas and my abilities.

It’s all a bit overwhelming, and my self-esteem is all confused; people’s support and admiration is going directly against my core self-belief of worthlessness.

I’ll be the first to say that it’s a stupid core belief, but that doesn’t make it go away. It takes much more evidence to convince me that it’s not true, and being convinced is only a transient thing. There’s always plenty of evidence to convince me that it is true and that I’m a waste of space and oxygen.

If it was easy, I wouldn’t be trying so hard!

Anyway, I’m getting published! And people are buying my stuff!

Didn’t see that coming πŸ˜›

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2 Comments

Posted by on 23/02/2013 in Craft, General, Writing

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

2 responses to “Putting Myself Out There

  1. J.C

    24/02/2013 at 3:03 pm

    So pleased for you Fran! Let me tell you, there is nothing quite like holding a book in your hands that has your story, your name in print!!! I hope some day soon you can begin to see how awesome you are, like everyone else around you can see πŸ™‚

     
  2. Fran

    24/02/2013 at 5:11 pm

    Nawww thanks Cassie ❀ ❀

     

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