I’ve been thinking about everything that’s changed since I lost my blogging muse. It almost seems to me that everything has changed. Of course, it hasn’t, I’m still me, and I’m still striving for the same things, have the same long term goals, and struggle on a day to day basis.
We did survive the Christchurch quakes (I say that in past tense as if they’re over, but we do still feel the sporadic aftershock), and while I might talk about this in a later post I’m not going to dwell on it now.
I think the biggest change is simply that I’m not depressed anymore. This is thanks to medication and intense therapy. When you’ve been depressed for the majority of your adult life it’s your normal, so it’s taken me a long time to adjust to not being depressed and learn how to function without depression tainting every aspect of my life. I slipped back into my familiar world of depression for a couple of months earlier in the year, and was astounded by how normal it seemed, and how subtly it crept over me. By the time I made it to my psychiatrist I was much worse than I thought I was, but he monitored me closely and I came back to this wonderful world of not-depressed within a few weeks.
The next biggest change is that I was diagnosed with ADHD almost 2 years ago. Having a name to go with the symptoms doesn’t change anything, but the research I’ve done on the disorder since has helped me understand myself and work on the issues that having ADHD causes in my life, and medication has helped to stabilise my brain and enhance my attention span.
The effect of these two massive changes is I’m able to focus on being a mother to the very best of my ability. It’s been a rocky road, but thankfully my little man is very patient with me and is generally a happy healthy boy. His talking ability is advanced for his age, and he’s scary smart, so I fall into the pit-trap of too-high-expections, and have to often consciously remind myself he’s only two. He’s so much fun to be with and I love hearing him laugh and receiving his little kisses that he’ll never give you when asked, only when he wants to.
In the last couple of months I’ve been involved in the Christchurch Writers’ Guild. They’ve really gotten me on track with my writing. It was so wonderful re-discovering the joy of actively writing. It really doesn’t matter how organised the story is in your head, as soon as you start writing your characters are in charge and will take the story where they want to go. This is what makes it an adventure, and I love it.
I’m currently working on a YA novel, Falling Glass, and a children’s book with a working title of Ashley’s Dragon, tho the MC is likely to undergo a name change in the next re-write, so the title will have to change. I realised the other day that both of these stories came into existence maybe 5 years ago in the Writing for Children paper which I didn’t do great in. What I did learn eventually is you can’t write children’s books without spending a lot of time with your audience! Now that I do, and I’ve read some million children’s picture books in the last 2 years, I’m ready to give my stories another chance.
Reserve battery power says it’s time to stop with the words.