There was a time (year before last) that I could crank out several thousand words in a day. Winning NaNo and SoCNoC was an very achievable goal. Then ’09 hit, and since then things have been pretty awry in the world of my writing.
Due to the creative writing paper I did in semester 1 last year I am no longer able to just slap anything into the story with the knowledge that it can be edited out on the next pass. The class also destroyed any confidence I had as a writer. That’s been something I’ve been working on remedying ever since, but it’s a long slow process and most days I look at my writing and think it’s all just crap, why do I bother?
The mistake I made in that class is that I stopped writing for me. It stopped being about the sheer pleasure of crafting words into sentences, and sentences into a story with characters I love. What it comes down to is that while you can dedicate a story to someone else, the one person you have to write it for in the first place is yourself.
And this is why I think my poetry is now better than my prose. I’ve always written poetry for myself. I don’t care if others don’t get it, don’t read it or think once they have read it, ‘if this was on paper I would now burn it’. So I get more pleasure out of writing poetry now, which is odd, becauase a year ago I was still in the position of ‘I’m not a poet, I can’t write poetry, I’m not going to waste my time trying’.
I’m determined to get back to being able to write prose solely for my own pleasure. I’ve accepted that I won’t win HalfNoC again this year, I just don’t have the luxury of pouring everything I have into the story for the next week. Jake, afterall, does need feeding. But I am resetting my goal of writing 1k a day, so I will have 15k on Memoirs of an Assassin by the end of the month.
Then I can examine what I have and decide whether it’s novel material or novella, or whether I can compress it into a short story.
I have posted a few poems over on my new Words page. If you want the password just shoot me an email. redfox4239 at hotmail dot com. I hope to put an extract of my WIP up there in the next week as well, and maybe some short stories, although I’m not sure I have anything that I wouldn’t want to give a thorough edit first.
In homelife news, I’m pretty sure Dale has swine flu. He’s been really really crook, not just man flu crook, but neither Jake nor I have caught it. If it’s swine flu that makes sense because I got immunised while I was pregnant.