Feeling good

Right now bubs is kicking, which always makes me feel happy. Because I’ve been up and about being active all day this is the first time I’ve felt him. It’s such a lovely feeling, and I’m determined to enjoy cos I know at some point it will become painful.

Anyway, Monday night was a write-off, and then yesterday afternoon I ended up back at psych emergency cos they decided they didn’t want me home alone and feeling like crap (to put it nicely). It was a pretty useless trip, but part of me is glad I went. I’m not sure what they are planning to do with me, and the psychiatrist I saw is away this week, so it’s just a matter of wait and see.

But then last night something shifted, and Dale and I were totally in sync, and it was beautiful. We stayed up til 2am, talking, and listening to music, and chatting to online friends, but finally I crashed. I told him to sleep, cos he works so needs to at least a bit, but I’m not sure he did. Hopefully we can have another awesome evening tonight.

I’ve managed to get through today really well, and I think it’s the overflow of last night. I got washing done, and ironing, and did most of the dishes (til my back got sore), and spent ages commenting on some of Kate’s writing. I haven’t managed to make it to my own writing yet, but I hope to later.

But there’s still heaps of housework to do (it’s been sorely neglected for a week) so I hope I’m good tomorrow. Not to mention the simple fact that now that I’m good again I don’t want to go back to the dark dark pit of darkness.

My draft for my final assignment finally got back to me. The final version is meant to be at NSATS on Friday, so that’s not going to happen. But I’ve been a good girl, and organised an extension. So hopefully that comes together without too much effort and I can spend next Thurs (my birthday! and scan day!) celebrating finishing my degree as well .

But, I will be doing summer school. I decided that I could not handle trying to get a job. I know that having a job will make me worse, not better. I know that the only job I could get would have been working in retail as a summer casual so hours and therefore money would be sporadic. So I decided to get as much student allowance as I could, top it up with loan, and I will have regular income, yay!

Ohh, my first study guide for summer just arrived!! Exciting!

Anyway, I’m off to enjoy life while I can.

Love!!

Unexpected week.

So I thought I had this week all planned out, I was gonna do some writing, get my assignment pretty much finished, and try get the house sorted cos I’m sick of feeling like it’s not really our home yet.

But, on Weds I went to my new GP, ended up breaking down, and she decided to send me off to an emergency psychiatrist. I got to drag Dale out of work (which I think he was thankful for) and headed off to a very scary place. I talked to a social worker for ages on Weds, then had to go back yesterday morning to talk to the psychiatrist, who officially diagnosed me with ‘depression with a streak of bi-polar’.

So at some point in the near future I will be contacted about my councelling options, and told whether or not they’ve decided to medicate me (he didn’t want to just do it cos of bubs and the bi-polar aspects). I can’t help feeling like it’s all been a painful waste of my time and nothing will actually come out of it, but they promised to have me all better before bubs arrives. I’ll believe it when I see it, or more accurately, feel it.

Anyway, I just thought I would share that with everyone. It’s the reason my blog comes and goes, btw.

On a brighter note, Dale and I have managed to spend some quality time together, and have talked heaps about baby stuff. We spent about half an hr in the baby section of the supermarket looking at wipes (just wipes, we didn’t make it to anything else), and then I decided I wasn’t willing to start stocking up until I’d at least tested the sample packs I have.

If anyone has any advice on what’s good and what’s a waste of money (in general, not just wipes) please let me know. I’m feeling like a fish outta water a bit.

Bubs has been kicking heaps (is kicking right now). He was kicking so hard the other night that Dale would have been able to feel it if he wasn’t fast asleep (a rare occurance, so I can forgive him).

Love!

Time flies too fast!

Due to a bunch of stuff out of my control we ended up going over to the Coast on Thurs night and coming back on Sat afternoon. It was nice to hang out with the family for a bit, and spent Fri evening with Amber which was awesome.

Dale’s been stuck working crazy hours at work (58hrs last week, he only gets paid for 40!). Despite only having 1 POS working all week, and mostly being the only staff member there, they blitzed budget. Today it’s all turned to crap tho, as the 1 POS they did have working is broken too, smelling a lot like burned diodes, and so he’s stuck there doing manual transactions as best he can cos he’s not allowed to close the store. What’s even more frustrating is that Vendor show is over, so everyone is meant to be back at work as per normal, and yet no-one seems to be available to help him get the POS working, and Tech Support never answer their phones, ever, even when it’s a prearranged phone call. Argh! So when I left him this morning he was starting to fray at the edges. Hopefully he’s still in one piece tonight when he finishes.

There’s guys here putting in insulation. It sucks cos I don’t really feel comfortable getting on and doing my own thing when random people are here. Hopefully it’s not a long job and they can leave soon.

My group of contacts doing NaNo is growing it’s exciting. It’s going to be such a great month. Even Dad has joined the fun, which is appropriate cos it was him that got me into it.

I can’t believe we’re so far into the month already. I have my final assignment due next week O.o and so many things to get done which I was meant to get done on Friday. Tomorrow will be a busy day!

A good week of writing

So after so long of not being able to put words on paper, it now feels like my brain is flooded with ideas and characters, interesting characters! and all I seem to do it want to write, and I have been doing a lot of it. It’s so great, and I’ve been getting some great feedback from my (ALA)WG co-writers ((Almost Literally Anonomous) Writers’ Group, there’s 6 of us but a couple of members have been strangely silent) which has boosted my confidence a whole lot, and a think I’ve come out the other end of this writer’s block fiasco a stronger, better writer.

I’ve started posting some stuff on my LJ page as a way to get my writing out there. I think you can only comment on things if you have an account there, but if you have a read and wish to comment (which would be totally awesome and make my day!) drop me an email.

The LJ page is over here.

The midwife appointment went very well. I got to hear bumble’s (Dale hates the nickname, but I think it’s cute) heartbeat which was just an incredible moment. But now I have a huge to do list for the next week *sigh*.

But I’m taking the time to go over to the Coast (Rick’s going over so I’m grabbing a lift) to visit family and hopefully (hopefully, fingers crossed) have a good catch up with Amber, cos both our lives have changed dramatically since I saw her in Jan.

*Prods blog back to life*

Hello readers (if you’re still out there).

It’s October, which means NaNo is almost here!!! It’s very exciting, and there’s a lot of great people I’ll be working along side this year which makes it even better.

After about 4 months of being unable to write, I’ve fallen back into the beauty of words on the page over the last couple of weeks. I even wrote a poem today, which was nice. I love it when the words bounce around in my head and beg to be written. I’ve got a few characters bouncing around up there too, so I’m going to write a few short pieces to get them sussed out. I’m trying to get back into the groove of writing daily, and with Dale working for the next 12 days it’ll give me time to really get into it.

I’ve had to leave my writers’ group in Palmy (physically, thank god for the internets), which is tragic, but I’m hoping NaNo will introduce me to some local writers here in Chch.

Bubs and I are doing well. Pretty much 17 weeks now. I feel him moving about sometimes, he’s like a little bumblebee in my belly. I love it . I have a midwife appointment on Weds, and at the end of the month we go in for a scan to see him (and find out if him is actually a him, lol)

Another week gone already

Gah, Thursday again already. I have not had a productive week at all. Well, it hasn’t been bad. I spent a couple of afternoons over with Ro, Anja and Nate. Nate is 2 months now, and has got to be the cutest baby I’ve ever seen.

I’ve also managed to get some writing done, which is fantastic. Not much, just a draft of a poem, and I started my travel story, the draft of which is due tomorrow, so I really have to get the rest of that done. It’s nice to feel up to writing again.

As for the weight issues, I managed to lose half a kg over the last week. I’m very happy with that, seeing as I had to scrap the running. I’m feeling really good about it, it’s a start anyway. I’ve been sleeping better too, and that could be partly because I’ve been so active. Now we just need to find a way to keep Dale asleep all night.

We decided to go out to dinner tonight, to Grandma’s Roast House. It was so good. We’re kind of celebrating cos this time next month we will have been together for 7 yrs. I can’t believe, and now I feel really old.

Must go finish this draft, but the words better come tonight cos I am very tired and want to sleep soon.

Another short lived plan

I’m not giving up on the losing weight idea cos I want to (although I’m not sad that I have to give it up, after 2 days I am sooo sore, I don’t think I could have forced myself to run today), I have to give up the plan due to health reasons. I’ll go to the Dr next week (take advantage while it’s still free) and discuss alternative ways to lose the weight. Hopefully I can downgrade the running to walking and still be fine, although I can’t see myself losing any weight that way, so don’t expect me to get to my goal any time soon.

Anyway, nothing much is going on here. I have to start writing my travel story today so I have time to edit and proof before I hand it in. The contact course is this weekend, but I didn’t consider going to it until last night, which was stupid cos I don’t know when or where it is, and my muscles twinge at the idea of biking out to Massey (there are practically no busses in the weekend). So I’m giving it a miss, but I’ll find out when the internal classes are and convince John to let me go to them until we move.

So today I’m gonna take it easy. I might take a walk around the block, or even a few blocks, just to remind the muscles who’s boss. But first I need to eat some breakfast. I haven’t been up this early since exams, I’ve forgotten how the whole morning thing works. lol

Mid-year’s resolution

It’s time to lose some weight. I know some of you will laugh at the thought of this post (Dale!), or assume I’ve slipped completely into insanity land (which may be true) but I’m serious. I’ve always been determined to stay smaller than my older sister, but she’s huge (well, really big anyway, I haven’t seen her in a long time, and photos aren’t very accurate on the weight side of things, but she looks huge in any photos I’ve seen), so that’s not really a challenge.

But I am overweight. I know it, and everyone who knows me knows it, they just don’t say it cos it’s not socially acceptable. Well, some people say it. The first thing Dad said when they came to Palmy 3yrs ago was “you’ve put on weight”, and when I saw an old co-worked in Jan she said pretty much the same thing. Until now I’ve been able to blame it on the student lifestyle, but I don’t really have that excuse anymore. It’s time to get back to the healthy weight I was before I moved to Palmy.

So, I went to the Warehouse and bought some flash scales (apparently all scales are flash these days, what happened to the ones that don’t neeed batteries?), and have downloaded a 30 day running schedule from the Push Play website. Today I ran 2k!! That gets exclamation marks cos I haven’t run any kind of distance for over 10 yrs (yes, I walked some of the way, I’m not superwoman).

I also bought some Special K, which got me a $10 off voucher for a pair of jeans from good old Jeans West. I’m not going to diet, cos I don’t like the whole die aspect of it, but I am going to eat a bit healthier, and do this whole running thing, plus some toning exercises afterwards.

The goal is to get down to 70kg in 2 months, cos that’s in the healthy range for my height (although ultimately I want to be back at 65kg). Today (before the run) I weighed in at 77.9kg, so that’s pretty much 1kg a week, which should be easy, although I have never ever trying to lose weight before so I’m not sure how this will work out.

I’m planning to do a weight loss update on here once a week, to try keep me on track. Fingers crossed I can stick with this for a good amount of time.

I haven’t quite worked out a reward for doing this, but I guess it’s just being fit and healthy.

By they way, I hurt all over already, but I will persevere!

Catch up

I’ve been on holiday for three weeks now. Uni goes back on Monday, I have a draft travel article due the Friday after which is barely started due to a major amount of writer’s block (for lack of a better term, personally I’m not really sure it exists). After the high of finishing exams was over, my body/mind was able to deal with a lot of stuff that I had supressed, ok, well, start dealing, there’s still a lot of stuff I need to sort. Unfortunately one of these things I hadn’t dealt with hit me hard, and I believe resulted in PTS (still ongoing, but I think I’m getting better, I’m able to sit and write now, even if it is just a blog, that’s gotta be a good sign). This, added to a natural down due to stupid bi polar, has made me an absolute wreck.

So, over the last three weeks I have been suffering major insomnia problems, which caused Dale to have them as well. I bought some 5-HTP pills to try help, to no avail, although they sorted Dale out, so it wasn’t money wasted. I haven’t had the focus to read. I started the Hitch Hiker’s Guide trilogy and made it half way through the second book before losing interest. I’ve just started Dubliners (Joyce) and am determined to get to the end, it’s such a short book with nice short chapters. I’ve been doing a bit of painting (it seems I can’t not be creative). I finally finished Grandmum’s Christmas present, a landscape of the Arahura valley, and started on one of Croesus Mountain (which has setimental value due to growing up in Blackball. I also learned (from Who Wants to be a Millionaire) that Croesus is a character famous for being rich. The name of the mountain makes sense to me now.). I also offered to do an abstract painting for Ro and Andrew, which I’m regretting a little cos I don’t do abstract, but I’ll see what I can come up with.

As for exam results. I got an A!!! Ironically for Linguistic Analysis, but it’s still an A, and I’m still very excited. I passed Victorian Lit with a B, which I’m happy with, and Advanced Fiction with a B+, which I’m pissed off about, but Thom’s a dick, so what’s it really matter. I’m just glad I passed all my papers. One more pass and I’m finished!!

So, that’s life up to yesterday, which was a particularly bad day (poor Dale gets so frustrated cos he’s mentally stable and can’t comprehend where I’m at). Today I’m feeling surprisingly good. We’re apparently going out tonight cos Emma (Dale’s ex work mate) is down from Aux and is already bored (not that going out on the town in Palmy is a remedy for boredom). I’ve also set some big goals, which deserve a post of their own…

It’s Over! Now What?

I’ve been hanging out for today for a long time, but now that it’s here I don’t quite know what to do with myself first. There is so much I want to do, and I have time to do it; it’s so exciting, but surreal. It’s still sinking in that I have no more exams, ever!

My short story ‘Molly’ (not the title, but that’s the MC so we just refer to it as Molly) needs re-writing. I was going to do it for my final portfolio, but Heather made me realise that I am far too passionate about Molly to let Thom near her. So I’m going to sit down and work on her at some point in the next day or so. Once that is done it will be great to be able to return to older writing projects I had to put on hold because of the pressure of being a student. We have a writer’s meet-up this afternoon which I’m very much looking forward to. We’re all finished for the semester and we will just be chilling, and maybe talk about writing a little. I’m hoping to pick up a little inspiration while I’m there. I am also being pressured into writing some poetry as Talia wants me to read at the next Open Mic Poetry Night. I don’t know if I will, but we’ll see if the poety muse visits me in the next few weeks.

I do still have 2 assignments to do before I can graduate. Both of them consist of a piece of travel writing and a craft essay. I’m looking forward to starting the first piece as it’s been brewing ever since I came back from the S.I in Jan.

As for non-writing life, hmm, I’m not sure it exists at the moment. I have a stack of books to read, and my study stuff to sort out and file away, and a lot of housework to do (it’s lapsed over the last few weeks). Oh, and I have to organise a get together for my non-writing friends as two of us have finished uni now, and while I’m stuck here for a little while longer, he is going back to Japan shortly. That will probably happen sometime next week.

As for the moving plan, it’s still in place. Rumour has it there will be a couple of manager positions opening in September so we just have to wait a little while. It’s fine by me though, cos I don’t have to look for a job until we’ve moved, so until then I am free .